My First Year With T1D

 

I decided to pen this post since I like telling stories and a year ago I knew next to nothing about Diabetes so I'm spreading some awareness. I knew young children got it and people who didn't excerise well enough or eat well enough got it, often when they started to get older. I knew I wasn't in either of those categories as I looked at WebMD last March thinking, “gosh, all my symtoms line up with Type 1 Diabetes.” I dismissed the disease thinking surely it must be something else. Then in a couple days I was sitting in the Doctors office while he asked my symptoms—weight loss, constantly thirsty, leg cramping, tired--and did a few easy tests. It all seemed entirely too easy for him to come up with Diabetes, very likely Type 1. I was frankly, a bit shocked. In my mind I kept thinking, “no, no, no, no, no, that can't be me. I'm too old and I'm too healthy. I'm exercising more and eating better than ever! I don't even know what diabetes is beside a vague idea! No, that's not me.” Somewhere on the short 8 minute drive home I remember being totally inside my head. I felt very small and very alone. Thinking that if the good doctor was right—he was great and took great care of me even giving me his direct line phone number-- then my world was suddenly turning topsy turvy. Anyway, it was way too easy for the Dr. to come up with Diabetes. Surely he's wrong. I broke down anyway. I cried and hoped I wouldn't get in an accident since the tears were blurring my eyes. I messaged J. He couldn't believe it either. I got online and researched Diabetes and saw several places that said Type 1 diabetes is getting more common at older ages than just young kids. I felt guily as I was on the computer for hours while the kids played with little parental supervision. I wondered if my bad eating and exercise habits as a youth could possibly have had an effect on this diagnosis. I was a bit of a picky eater as a kid. Then I found stories of 3 year olds getting Type 1 diabetes and dismissed that thought. Type 1 Diabetes is an auto-immune disease much like allergies or thyroid problems. My body was killing off insulin-producing cells. Insulin is essential to get energy to all of your body. I went to the Endocronologist—say that 3 times fast!--that afternoon and he confirmed that he also strongly thought that it was Type 1 Diabetes that was giving me the odd but tell-tale mix of symptoms. I was so grateful for Princeton's health insurance. It always bothered me when I would hear people complain about the insurance as a student of Princeton. PU has amazing insurance for students. I never neglected to think that wealthy people were sharing their money with students and their families so we could have good insurance. I never paid for the hundreds of dollars for little J's allergy testing and his hospital stay even in another state was amazingly well covered. Items for my diabetes, little J's asthma nebulizer, J's stitches, testing, Dr.'s etc. were all very well covered. There were little things they didn't cover that bothered me but for students, spouses and families it was very generous; but that's another thing altogether. I started insulin that night. I sat in bed reading how/where to give myself this shot and wishing I didn't have to. No one likes shots and now I'm to give them to myself 4+ times a day?! Why am I just given this powerful medicine with so (relatively) little instruction and how was I trusted to administer it right?! Nurses go to school for years to do this sort of thing! The feeling reminded me of when I had my first baby. How can these doctors trust me with another human who relies completely on me for life continuance?! Now my own life continuance was literally in my hands.

 

*needles tips go on a pen full of insulin & finger blood sugar tester*

 I was so nervous that first time sticking myself. I almost had the hubs do it for me but I figured if I was going to be pricking my finger 4-6 times a day and giving myself an insulin shot 4+ times a day for the rest of my life then I'd better do it myself and get use to it. “Suck it up girl!” I told myself. Now I can say I'm pretty use to it; most of the time I barely feel it. But I still feel like a newbie and I still often hold my breath. Like I only started a month ago. I'm still learning different foods' and recipes' carb count so I can tally how much insulin I need to give myself. I'm grateful for the medicine. The needles are so much smaller than I'd first envisioned and the medicine is really quite close to real insulin (at least that's what they say) and generally speaking doesn't hurt. And I'm glad for the newfound empathy that I have for someone who suffers from a chronic disease. It's frustrating and annoying and sometimes scary. I wish I didn't have it. Every day I wish that. Every time I want a dessert or popcorn or bread for snack I think, “is this worth a shot of insulin?” I never thought twice about those things before. I envy others who don't have to think twice about it. Diabetes is a very big part of me but it's not who I am. Life keeps on going at the same pace and I just gotta roll with the punches. Even if that punch gets me right in the pancreas. In our church magazine recently I read something that rang true to what I believe. “This life does have painful experiences, but life need not be hard. I know I can feel a sense of peace and comfort no matter what is happening in my life.” So, here's to one year as a Type 1 Diabetic who is determined to stay at least mostly positive and do what I can to minimize the effects of it on me. It motivates me to try new recipes, eat new foods—especially veggies which have fewer carbs--and exercise routinely.

        +      =  less medicine

Who knows, maybe in some weird way it's one of the best things that's ever happened to my health (at least for now).

Disclaimer: Don't let my positive attitude lead you into thinking you want T1D to motivate a more healthy lifestyle. :)