The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

We'll start with the Bad and Ugly. I had a cold, starting about a month ago. This cold was putting me out quite a bit and lasted for weeks. One day in the middle I thought, I think I'm getting better! But alas, either I wasn't or another cold came on in my weakened immune state. Eventually, I finally began to feel better, but felt in credibly thirsty-- like I'd just hiked for hours in the sun with no water kind of thirsty. I don't drink soda really so I was having 10-15 of these babies a day:

I figured I was perhaps dehydrated from my cold and drank lots and lots and lots of water. This thirst persisted for a week and a half so I'd started to suspect something was up and it was accompanied by being tired. I'm a mom of course I'm tired I'd say to myself. It wasn't until I stepped on the scale that little A had gotten out that I began to really worry. I weighed a good 15 pounds less than my usual. And less than I had when I graduated from High School. And I wasn't on a diet. And I hadn't even been exercising because of my cold putting me out. I had commented to Big J the week prior that I was feeling frail. I decided to call my doctor. For me to do this for myself is crazy. I don't like to go to the Dr. office. They usually just tell me what I already know. This time was different. They told me what I never wanted to know but need to know.

They said I could have a Thursday appointment but that was almost a week away. No, I needed something sooner. They worked out a Tuesday appointment so I still had to wait a few days. I played volleyball the next morning and just felt weak. Like I was starting at 65% and ending lower than 50%. I was likely very right, just not knowing why. The night before my appointment I told Big J that the Dr. better do all kinds of tests on me because I don't feel right and I need to know what's up. Well, the Dr. did do lots of tests on me. Urine test, finger prick test and finally a blood draw. Little A was an angel, of which I was profoundly grateful. The diagnosis came all too easily for me to process it at first.... Diabetes, likely Type 1.

What?!

I'd run across that as most fitting my symptoms online but thought, nah, I can't have that so didn't even look more into it. It must be something else, I thought. The Doctor set me up with an Endocronologist that afternoon. He seemed worried for me. My main thought at the moment was, I gotta go pick up my kids from early out pronto!, and I'll think about this later. On the way home I began to think more about what he was saying. And I started to cry. I didn't want this. I don't need this to be a part of me. I was having a big of identity crisis we'll say. This is a lifelong thing. I won't ever get a break from it. It's not temporary. It's not something I can make go away. But as I got home and got on the computer I realized that it is something I can manage. It is something I can learn to control. Diabetes can be fatal. I've gone over the procedures again with all the kids about what to do if I, or Daddy, needs help with renewed interest. They do need to be prepared for an emergency after all. But, I'm determined not to let it stop me. I'm determined to have a leg up on it. I don't expect I'll feel this way every moment my entire life, but I want that to be my prevalent thought. I've talked to the kids a little about it. I want them to know me as a strong mama. A mama who doesn't give up when the going gets tough. A mama who takes vital information about herself and chooses to make the best of it. I've still got testing to do to learn how to deal with this in the future but things are going all right so far. I'm not so thirsty anymore for one thing!! Big J says the vampires are disappointed. They missed me while my blood was super sweet and the gettin' was good. I always wondered why mosquito's seemed to favor me to everyone else around me......

And I'm still just me. I've been pumped full of pictocin, liquids, epidurals, immunizations and antibiotics; why not insulin too? Only this one if four times a day. And I get a minimum of 8 sticks of a needle a day between insulin and blood/sugar checks. Now, for those curious, as I was, Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease. Meaning my body for some reason went crazy overload immune response over something, perhaps even my cold. There's no way to prevent this type of Diabetes. They say there's a chance I could be Type 1.5 which will be determined by more testing. This would be classified as a late onset Type 1 Diabetes. My body is not producing insulin that takes carbs that are broken down into glucose around my body that is needed for energy. How bout that. Here all this goes on in my body and I don't have to do a thing. The National Institutes of Health (NIDDK) defines Type 1.5 as “a condition in which Type 1 diabetes develops in adults.” LADA (Latent autoimmune Diabetes of Adults) is a genetically-linked, hereditary autoimmune disorder that results in the body mistaking the pancreas as foreign and responding by attacking and destroying the insulin-producing beta islet cells of the pancreas. Simply stated, autoimmune disorders, including LADA, are an "allergy to self.” Diabetes does work similarly to allergies, which of course, I know a little something ab out. So anyway, a major swing in life but I plan to handle it as any adult should--wish is was somehow magically different, but be a good girl and cowgirl up.

Now, what you've been waiting for--the good. Big J has finished and turned in his masterfully done dissertation!!!!! Eight years down the road and here we are finished!! I quite hardly know what to think of it. Only that I want to throw him a big shindig!! He has a job in hand and we are moving this summer! Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray!!! Me, I'm just still holding up the fort. :)